My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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