I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
