She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
