Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
