I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
