i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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