also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
