Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will pee on everything he values.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
