I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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