Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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