So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
