Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
