WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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