he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
