You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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