Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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