Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
