like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
