her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize