Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
