How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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