I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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