Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You can't special order awesome
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
