I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
