Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
