Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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