How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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