sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize