your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
