Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
