Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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