Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
