Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
