The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
