Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
