you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize