Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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