The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize