I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
