I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
