I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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