I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
