just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
why is half of my head shaved?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
