was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
