The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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