Sry I called you an 8
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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