in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
