My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
