This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize