why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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