On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize