I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
