honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
