life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
