smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
