Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
