I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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