Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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