My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
