does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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