I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize