Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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