I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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