time to smoke my breakfast
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
