Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
