just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
pray to the hookup gods
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
