Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
