So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
