He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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