wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
