party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just had sex on a roof
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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