i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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