Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
