You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
