guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
