i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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