The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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