The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
