She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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