i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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