he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
