i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
