I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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