At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
