I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
