Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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