I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
