captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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