Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
