I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
