At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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