Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
