I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
