So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
