Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize