im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found puke in my bra..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
