I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
