My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
