What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
