Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
