his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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