Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
