Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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