He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
