I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
