I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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