Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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