Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize