Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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