Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I understand Curling. That high.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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