i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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