so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
