Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
